School Bus Stories Episode 2-"How do you say dog s***t in Spanish?"

This next story takes place throughout a whole school day during my freshman year in Tampa Bay Technical High School, culminating in the school bus.

You guys know that one kid that tries way too hard to fit in after having mastered dork-ology throughout middle school? Josh was that kid, and there was no subtlety to his attempt. He would literally mimic Rey's speech down to the tone.

Josh was raised in a ultra-conservative Christian household, went to private school for the majority of his educational life, and was 5'9 235 pounds and had the face of the Gerber baby (no seriously, he looked just like him-his head was not proportioned to the rest of his body and he had not one hair follicle on his pale face).

As you can see, I had understood why Josh wanted to fit in, but not to the degree that he would go towards doing so. The feeling of being accepted, especially by those that are admired by others (high school is a shameless popularity runway, do not get it twisted) was one most 13/14 year olds wanted to capture. However, there is a fine line between "doing you" and achieving that goal versus carbon copying someone else's stee-lo down to their vernacular.

With that said, it was a Monday and I was feeling so fresh and so clean clean, rocking my fresh white Nike long sleeve tee I bought over the weekend. After Josh embarrassed himself on the bus ride to school by not knowing how to swear ("I hate Mrs Wolf and all her homework, she's such a shitting bitch"..I just laughed out loud as I typed this), we went to the restroom where Rey and crew (I guess I am guilty because I didn't stop it) began the hazing process. I guess the lesson for Josh was "stop dressing and acting like me"...

So minus me, Rey and two other cohorts grabbed Josh (mind you, this kid is huge) and attempted to throw him in the garbage can.



He's 235 pounds, so his ass's circumference was about as big as the garbage can's, so it wasn't quite a slam dunk. He just kind of halfway sat/sunk in the garbage can. He was a little mad, but much more jovial than expected. Oh, this is just the beginning of the day.

At lunch time, I guess Josh decided he needs to show he is just as macho as Rey and crew. He opens a couple of packs of mustard and starts waving it towards me like a shank. "What you gonna do if I get this on you son?!" he exclaimed. I just shook my head and told him to stop playing. I guess he wanted me to take him more seriously, but I honestly believed that he wouldn't do something stupid for the sake of proving something-especially because I actually treated Josh like a friend.

"What're you gonna do, huh huh huh"; the waving gets closer to me. And in a split second, his uncoordinated blubber arm had painted mustard pack all across the sleeve. In that moment, I saw in his eyes that it was an honest mistake, that he wanted to get as close as possible without ruining my shirt. But what was done was done, and he started gloating. I was the nice guy, and even when push came to shove 99% of the time I didn't retaliate.

Rey took the offense on my behalf and wiped that same mustard pack across Josh's back. The kid looked like he was gonna cry. He proclaimed that Rey and the rest of us were sons of bitches and hurried out of there amongst a third of the lunchroom laughing at him.

But Josh couldn't stay mad at his guru-whose swagger would he steal if he were not around Rey? Love is blind I guess (pause). So at the end of the day, he sat with Rey, me, and the rest of the crew in the back of the bus and acted as if nothing happened earlier. Rey still felt like he needed to teach Josh a lesson-I assume that day by day he just become more fed up with Josh's persona theft.

Before Josh even realized what happened, he was being held back by one person, while Rey searched through Josh's bookbag for the most valuable possession. He came out with a Spanish book, and handed it over to the next accomplice. Somehow, the accomplice had stepped in dog shit en route to the bus, and proceeded to use a pencil to scrape off all of it from underneath his shoe and used it like cream cheese to Josh's Spanish book bagel.

Josh would get kicked out of Spanish class the next day for nauseating the teacher.

I guess the lesson here is that a kid's individuality is everything and you cannot steal it from him, especially if that kid doesn't respect you.

Oh, and that Rey was an asshole. I keed sir, all of us have had our scum-bag moments.

Say hi to Rey everyone, he's an official real dude on the blog (B. Rey).